the post that was going to be about our adoption

…to document our adoption journey.  It still feels a little unreal to say that we have actually started the adoption process.  We’ve been thinking, talking, dreaming about it for years and now we’re doing it.  Part of my motivation to write is so that I think through some things, process some things, and document the journey.  So here’s some honesty…starting the adoption process feels like we’re giving up on trying to get pregnant.  Or at least we don’t believe it will happen.  Or something.  I realize one doesn’t have anything to do with another, really.  And everybody (even me) knows somebody that got pregnant after they adopted.  Before I ever got pregnant (and probably even when I was) I would tell people that I would still want to adopt even if I had a biological child, because God had really opened my heart to orphans around the world.  And now, He’s opened our eyes and hearts to orphans around my city.  Orphans, in Tulsa?  Yep.  They are here.  No one likes to talk about it or think about it.  Tonight, there are babies going to sleep in a shelter. Does the word shelter make you feel better than orphanage?  Would you rather think about them in foster homes?  It doesn’t really matter what you call it or where they are sleeping tonight.  There are children in this city, in this state, all over this country that will not be tucked in and kissed by a parent.

So, what I was really going to write about is what is happening with our adoption journey.  To write about what is happening requires me to write about how it feels.  It feels great to be moving forward and to be doing something about finding a child that needs a family.  Still, it doesn’t feel great to be planning a future without a baby.  Because I may always have a tiny hope each month that baby Zerbe will be conceived.  It’s not an unhealthy thing at this point.  I still live life.  I enjoy doing the things I do.

while i’m waiting…

One thought on “the post that was going to be about our adoption

  1. I saw a billboard yesterday in western Illinois. It had a picture of a baby sticking his head out from under a blanket. He was asking (his biologic mom) “What? You weren’t expecting me?”. Across the top of the sign it said that 2 million American couples are waiting to adopt. God bless whoever paid for that billboard.

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