October 15

To be honest, I’m not real big on awareness day, week, month etc. for any cause.  I toyed with the idea of blogging every day in October in honor of Down Syndrome Awareness, but really that was probably more about blogging than anything else.  Don’t get me wrong–I want people to be aware.  Of the joys and blessings of Down Syndrome; the early detection and prevention of breast cancer, leukemia and lymphoma, childhood brain cancer and any other horrible disease that steals away our loved ones; I love my mom and my sisters and my aunts and my dad and my stepsons and my pastor and my priest and my brothers and my uncles and my grandparents and my childhood best friend and my college best friend and my teachers and my boss; but I don’t always feel inclined to appreciate them on the day or week or month that someone said we should focus on them.  I don’t know if I’m lazy or rebellious.

Tonight, I’m neither.  I’m writing a specific post for a specific day.  October 15 is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day.  Chances are you know someone directly affected by this.  This…see.  There’s not even really a nice way to say it.  Because now that I look at it, Pregnancy Loss is Infant Loss.  The loss of a pregnancy is the loss of an infant.  Please don’t misunderstand, not every situation is exactly the same.  No one’s experience is at all like any other’s.  The miscarriage at 10 weeks is different from the miscarriage at 15 weeks which is different from the loss of a heartbeat at 36 weeks which is different from the loss of a heartbeat at 41 weeks.  The loss of a child 3 minutes after birth is different from the loss after 3 hours or 3 days or 3 months.  Even if my loss and your loss happened at the exact same month/week/day/hour that yours did–it’s not the same.

It’s the same in the way that we are bonded together in this ugly club that no one wants to be a member of, and yet we are and it is awful to be connected in the same way that is helpful.

I’ve been meaning to write out my story in a series of posts for a while now.  I think now is as good of time as any.  Friday marks a day of remembrance.  We’re two years past the important dates in my story.  This blog is about remembering and waiting.  It’s about worshiping and serving.  It’s about my past and my present and my future.  And it’s about how God carries me through it all.


2 thoughts on “October 15

  1. You’re very right in that no one’s experiences is like someone else’s. I hate that you and I are both in this ugly club. Your loss was/has been harder for me than my own…which kinda makes me feel guilty at times. But I did always try hard to refer to in utero Hannah as just Baby or Baby Mills not Baby #2, because she is really Baby #3 to us. It’s all so strange and unfair and crummy. Thankfully, I’ve only had one really rough night since it happened to me and that was when it had been a year. Ugh. So glad I have Hannah now and so glad that you are about to have some beautiful little ones too. I know it’s not the same…but it’s still nice. Love you forever big sister!!!

  2. Pingback: age doesn’t matter « While I'm Waiting

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