It is well into the afternoon and I am still in my pajamas, my hair is waiting to be washed and I’ve been snacking on banana bread and Dr. Pepper all day. I woke early and stumbled into the grocery store wearing the same warm pajamas (no worries, they are technically black stretchy pants and a hoodie) that I am wearing now. I knew I needed eggs and orange juice to make breakfast. I grabbed a few other things I knew we needed for the week–chicken, pasta, Diet Coke. At home I made breakfast for the three that headed back to school today. I succeeded in getting it on the table by 7am. Hopefully in future days my last minute grocery shopping can be replaced with getting myself ready so that I can be out the door by 7:10 each morning.
It could have been a day filled with chores and errands. It has instead been a day of light housework, reading, chatting with my sister and a nice morning nap. I have kept up with the dishes, cleaned out a drawer and rolled out the last of the cake balls. I’ve also read many chapters of Mary Beth Chapman’s book Choosing to See: A Journey of Struggle and Hope. I snagged the Kindle version for my iPod for only $2.99 the other day.
I called my sister to ask about a recipe. Both of my sisters are stay at home moms. I am a stay at home stepmom, for today anyway. As I was calling, I was emptying the dishwasher. I also talked with her last night when I was peeling potatoes. We talked about recipes, potty training, budgets and resolutions. I had fleeting thoughts of what life would have been like if it happened as I had planned. If I was a stay at home mom every day. With toddlers and school aged kids. Would my sisters (and my four sisters-in-law who spend most of their days parenting their small ones) and I talk on the phone more often? Would we call every day with questions, funny stories, a need to vent to someone who understands? It wasn’t a fleeting thought of jealousy (although to be honest, those exist on occasion) and it wasn’t a fleeting thought of sadness (those exist sometimes, too). I just wondered what it would have been like, and also what it will be like. I really feel each day we are closer and closer to meeting our children. I am still feeling peaceful about the timing in everything. I can’t wait to finally know the end of this chapter, so that way we can look back and say, “See, this is what we were waiting for! It doesn’t matter that they weren’t in the last family picture, or at Thanksgiving dinner, or Christmas morning. It is because the timing had to be just right for our family to be united.” There are details waiting to be discovered.
I need to make dinner for my family, plan tomorrow morning’s breakfast, plan a meal to take to a family tomorrow evening, take a shower, and finalize tonight’s dinner plans with a friend. And so this random post will come to an end. I’m off to take care of my family.
And take a shower.
And maybe even put on pants that zip.
Shoes that tie!
Heck, I’ll probably even put on some eyeliner!